What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
