remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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