...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize