You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
