If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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