I just made out with a guy for $7.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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