I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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