I skipped work to stalk him.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
