and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
