He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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