sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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