you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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