shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
