So drunk its hurt
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
