It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize