The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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