Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
