So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
