Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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