And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
