Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
