i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
