i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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