how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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