remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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