I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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