I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
