do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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