I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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