I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
