thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dick very happy bro
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
