Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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