Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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