Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
