remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
