Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
