so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
