Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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