and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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