and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
