They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
