Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
