Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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