I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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