I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
