real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
