The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
