Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
