Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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