I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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