do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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