Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
pray to the hookup gods
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
