Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
