He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
