just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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