I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
