I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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