there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
