did you get engaged???
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
