Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
