The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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