Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
