New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
