i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
