I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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