went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
